actually, I'm a sock model
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
