Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
Randomize
