I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Randomize
