And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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