oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
