So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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