Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
