she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
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No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
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Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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