We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
