All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
