Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Blood and glitter go together right?
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You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
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I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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