yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
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I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
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I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
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