i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Randomize
