I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Randomize
