just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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