Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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