They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
