HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
