My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
you told grandpa to call you daddy
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
