I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
