Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
