Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
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