I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
