You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
