It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Randomize
