we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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