Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
