I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Randomize
