the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
