Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
