so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
