We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
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