She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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