I'm jealous of your bromance
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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