If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
sarcasm needs its own font
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
