My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
