dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
