He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
