'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
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