Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize
