my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
