The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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