We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize
