just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
