quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
