In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
