Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
