Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
