oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
The police scanner is talking about you again....
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Randomize
