Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
