you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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