id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
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