yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
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