so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
its not stalking. its research.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Randomize
