I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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