Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
