i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
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