My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
