I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
just tell him i said nine months
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
