It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Randomize
