I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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