dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
