Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
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She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
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Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
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