can we get nightvision for the apartment?
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
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