i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
