All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
You've changed since you got that strap on
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
