Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
