the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
