What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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