I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Randomize
