I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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