Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
