Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(540): View more from Virginia

what do you have against ST

(1-540): View more from Virginia

DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.

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(727): View more from Florida

what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway

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(505): View more from New Mexico

He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.

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(908): View more from New Jersey

I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.

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(907): View more from Alaska

It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.

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(253): View more from Washington

So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas

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(630): View more from Illinois

Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER

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(845): View more from New York

brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears

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(425): View more from Washington

Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.

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