"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I hate all girls vehemently.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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