My first STD was from a foam party
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
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