I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
