He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
