So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
