drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
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