i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Randomize
